It's an incredibly complicated world. There are things I simply don't understand and then there are things I wish I didn't understand but experience has taught me too much already and denial seems impossible. Like, for example, how so many men are mean to women because they are so insecure. Where did this all begin? I have experienced it again and again. Those who want you and say all the right things and then humiliate you the second they don't get what they thought they were due. Whether it's another date, exclusivity, sex, or your wallet, many men don't take disappointment well. Which brings me to my next concern: ANGER.
Why is anger a man's default so often? It manifests in a myriad of ways: jealousy, passive aggression, subtle mind games, and all out rage. I've seen all of these. Sometimes I look back at my dating life and I can see these patterns of such intolerance and even hatred for certain things women do. Specifically me. What do I mean? I mean the way they compete with me in their own heads for attention, status, power, jobs, money, everything. How dare you have talents, job offers, friends, and attention from the opposite sex? How dare you succeed? How dare you win? How dare you? Who do you think you are? Augh. It's awful.
Then there's the laziness, the excuses, the idleness. How can I respect it? I can't. That's why things have ended with the lazies. "The economy is so bad right now." Why aren't you pounding the pavement looking for work, man? "I need to be on call. My parents need my help right now running errands and helping out. A job would really clog up my schedule." Seriously? "I'm moving home to help out my parents." Yeah right. "I need to go back to school." Again? Dude, just make some money, already. This is ridiculous. "I'm almost finished with my book, invention, business proposal, hit song." Okay, how about you work a job while you develop that billion-dollar idea? WORK! Just do it! Sometimes it seems like this whole generation of guys is riding on the backs of its amazing, hard working, overly nurturing girls. It's downright outrageous. Previous generations are appalled and frankly, so am I.
Let's get to the part we always wish we could glaze over or all out ignore: sex. Some of these guys are so perverse in their concepts and expectations around sex it is literally sickening. Pornography's prevalence and accessibility has turned our guys into over stimulated nut cases. The insanity of what I've heard is available at the fingertips of our guys is appalling. The ease, privacy, and prevalence of the worst kinds of pornography available in every home in America has really introduced a serious illness into our society. Not to mention, this garbage is free. I've known seven women who have experienced divorce as a result of their husband's porn addiction, and that's just in my immediate circle of friends. I've heard this is quite a phenomenon. This may sound over the top but it actually makes a lot of sense. Think about it: porn can destroy a man's ideas around sex, making him less satisfied with normal sex. When he finds his mate is less than interested in wielding a whip, wearing a metal corset, or inviting the neighbors to join in he feels jilted. So he turns to his computer, chat rooms, prostitutes, or random lost souls he finds, flatters, and feasts upon. That's a recipe for dysfunction for any man. If he happens to be married he ruins someone else's life in the process. It's amazing but true; many of these men drag children into the chaos either of divorce, sexual abuse, or both. I've heard that this addiction, like many addictions, can cause lethargy, depression, and self-sabotage. The results are joblessness, debt, poverty, depression, divorce, criminality, and in some cases suicide. Some think pornography is just a healthy part of any normal man's life and that viewing it is harmless and even a practice that supports a robust male sexuality. I couldn't think of a more damaging lie to believe on either side of gender lines. The danger is clear from where I'm standing. It's clear.
Our world has changed significantly with the presence of on-line dating, facebook, texting, and chat rooms. Some of these things are harmless if used in a healthy way. Some of them are helpful and connective. But if used improperly, these technologies can promote seriously harmful dysfunctions such as sexual promiscuity, sexual predatoriness, and statutory rape. There is a new frontier for stalking, preying upon, and dominating women and girls and it is available in almost every home in America.
What are we to hope for? What is the dream? To end up with a guy who eats at your bank account, your nerves, your values, your soul? How much are we supposed to take? What's what anymore? Who's getting the check? Who's planning the dates? Who is reverencing womanhood? Is anything sacred anymore? Who remembers what a meaningful conversation looks, sounds and feels like? You know, the ones where you are sitting across from the person and they listen and talk and you listen and talk and no one is saying whatever he can think of to get the "in". Drop the games, guys! Please! Drop the façade, drop the cheesy money talk, the intellectual sparring, the ego massage, the manipulation, the sexy talk that's not so sexy, the pseudo-science analyses, the latest thing you read on How to Bag Chicks dot com and be a real human, man! Just a request. Just a suggestion from someone who has heard it all, all but the truth.
