Sushi Night/Target

Betsy and I have been frequenting Sushi Happy Hour, otherwise known as Half Price Sushi. Last night was no exception but this time we had our Bobby and he treated us. He is such a dream that way. We love him. He always treats us like little princesses. After dinner we went to Target to get some new drinking glasses. We were laughing about high school, a very funny time for us, when I saw one of my little students. He looked shocked to see Ms. Ferrell in public. "Ms. Ferrell?" he said with a quizzical expression that might have meant, aren't you supposed to be asleep under your desk? Kids always find it strange to see teachers out and about having another life outside school. He looked at Bobby with wondering eyes. Just then my student's whole family came over to us. I introduced Bobby. "This is my friend, Bobby." "Your 'friend'?" asked my student's fourth grade sister making quotes in the air with her fingers. Bobby interjected, "Yes. We are good friends and we've been friends for fifteen years." It was pretty cute and funny.
This morning my student approached me and said, "I saw you last night," as if I might have forgotten. I said, "Yes, I remember. It was fun to see you."

My friends, chapter 9: Ivy

Ivy. Ivy Kristine. Ivy Kristine Portwood. Where do I begin? How can I encapsulate? Mere words seem lame and insufficient. I wish I could do the whole entry in song or verse or in haiku. No, no! In watercolor! Yes. yes. Wait. Nay! In interpretive dance! YES! That should be the medium for communicating my feelings for the sacred vine round my heart! But since all I have are fingers and keys for this entry, I shall do my best and it will fall dreadfully short but it'll be true and the truth is always beautiful, even when it hurts.
Meeting Ivy was a breath of fresh air. I was new to the single scene and not too impressed with the goings on among LDS singles. I was dead bored at most activities and events. I had my Christy but she was in the middle of all kinds of drama involving the love of her life being temporarily insane. Thank goodness that turned out. I found myself at another one of those dinners where feigning interest in the conversation was the politest thing to do, so I was doing it. We were at Sarovar, Indian cuisine. In walks a tall, thin girl with flaxen hair and forget-me-not eyes wearing a snazzy trench coat, glittering scarf, lovely heels, smart spectacles. She walks to the table with a real dull and uninterested voice, unimpressed eyes and mutters, halfheartedly, "Hi, hi, hi..yeah, um, hi," to all the members of the party. I remember thinking, this girl doesn't bother feigning interest! I wish I had the guts! I was automatically intrigued. She sat next to me and that was the beginning of an epic I hope never ends. I found out she was a businesswoman, got her MBA from BYU just the previous spring. I had no idea that the girl sitting next to me was a bona fide genius, gifted in just about every area and excelled at anything she touched. It took me a long time to see all of her gifts and I'm sure there are a fair few I'll discover yet. Suffice it to say, we hit it off from the outset.
In the proceeding months we started doing music. We shared a love for Regina Spektor and I tried to make her love Tori Amos but I don't think it worked. Ivy plays piano, guitar, and violin, the last of which she has a performance degree in. I sing. It was so fun! I felt I had found what I had been dying for: a way, an outlet, an answer, someone to help me get out all the muck and mire built up over six long years of near silence. I was starving for music! She made it happen. And how.
Not only did we do music but we went to see and hear it, too. One of the best birthday presents I ever received was a VIP ticket to the Austin City Limits Music Festival. I am forever spoiled and will never return to the festival because the tickets are so incredibly expensive and I could never endure not being a VIP after the experience we had. Deviled eggs garnished with caviar, frito pies from Heaven, all the lemonade and vitawater you could possibly drink! And luxurious outdoor misty AC units, white canvas tents, lavender and eucalyptus oil infused iced handkerchiefs, nice bathrooms. Yeah. VIP is all I could ever do now. We saw Bjork, MUSE, Damian Rice, Paulo Nutinni, and the Indigo Girls. Oh! And Cold War Kids, just to name a few.
On another occasion we saw a live taping of the PBS ACL concert showcasing The Decemberists and, I can't even say it without smiling and gasping a little, Ghostland Observatory. I fell in love that night. I will never be the same. The lead singer slew my musical heart and I'm afraid I will love him forever. I can't explain it without crying. Just google it or youtube it. I can't go on.
Anyhow, Ivy and I really bonded. We share a love of music, a love of art, a love of good food, laughter, and dancing. She is more fun than a clown car in rush hour. I love her to bits. We made a Christmas CD last year and it rocks my socks. It's gorgeous.
Ivy and I were roommates for two years. We shared sufficient amounts of drama and elation. She helped me realize a number of things and continues to enlighten and inspire me. Ivy, to the girl who can make any day a jolly holiday, you are unforgettable in every, single way. Thank you for being so exquisitely unique. You mean so much to me. I love you.

Fond Farewells

Today was a sacred day. Once a month Latter Day Saints, otherwise know as Mormons, fast for 24 hours. It is a day of prayer, contemplation, meditation, and hopefully intention. The aim is to forget the sustenance of the body in order to nourish the soul. People often pray for specific blessings on Fast Sunday. Concerns like jobs, illnesses, relationship issues, etc. are often concentrated on upon Fast Sunday. It starts with a prayer on Saturday evening. You pray for your fast to be recognized as a sufficient sacrifice to warrant the divine help you need to solve the problem you are praying about. Then you give up food and water until the next evening. During the 24 hour period you focus on the things of the spirit. Praying, reading scriptures, serving others, preparing to perform your church callings and duties, and meaningful conversation with loved ones are all good activities for Fast Sunday. Good music is also helpful. I prefer 89.5's Ancient Voices as a backdrop for my fasting. (Classical Radio) So today, being Fast Sunday, I prayed for a certain blessing. It's usually not advisable to talk about what one is fasting for but allow me simply to say my fast has something to do with the state of things in our economy and how I really need/want something to change. Now would be a really great time for all that CHANGE Obama was supposed to usher in to arrive. I think it will come. I just don't think Obabma will be the usher. Anyway, today was so special and sacred. It was my first time in my new ward, the Shoal Creek Ward. It is a family ward. For the last four years I have been attending Mt. Bonnell Ward, for young single people. I have been serving as Relief Society President of that ward which is a stewardship over all the young women in the ward. RS Presidents perform many duties including organizing the Visiting Teaching for their ward, teaching monthly Sunday lessons, overseeing compassionate service, organizing workshops, providing service opportunities and projects, and caring for the needs of all the women in her care. I have been serving in this capacity for 22 months. It was such a blessing! I have felt overwhelmed with insight, joy, love and awakenings of all shapes and kinds. It has been amazing. I love these young women. They shine with talent and beauty, virtue and intelligence, ambition and promise. To contemplate all the potential in the room while gathered with these young women causes one's head to spin. Some of them are students. Some of them are working. They come together in such incredible ways to bless each other's lives. I see them laughing together, cooking together, singing, talking, assembling hygiene kits for hurricane victims, packing emergency 72 hour kits of food, sewing quilts for children in third world countries, doing research on their family histories online, teaching lessons, giving talks, bearing testimonies, volunteering, picking people up for church, playing music at the nursing home. To say they've inspired me would be an understatement. They amaze me and words, even for someone as verbose as myself, will just never suffice. They have changed me; the way they have loved me, it has changed me forever. I came back to Austin from Chicago such a broken little person. I didn't know how I would ever recover from the failure of my marriage. I wasn't sure if I would ever be normal again. I was quite alone and very scared and just exhausted in every way. It was a funny thing, being called as the Relief Society President. I probably would have declined the opportunity, feeling too inadequate, had I not had a distinct impression that the calling was coming just a month before it actually did. It was much more fun and much less stressful than I had anticipated and while I served I was healed in ways I would never have dreamed. This calling was as enriching for me as it was for all of the wonderful women I sought to bless and serve. That broken girl who was walking around like a little lost soul was found in the midst of a responsibility that caused her to forget about her problems and focus on others. I won't pretend that I ever forgot my problems entirely or that I was able to become purely saintly. That didn't happen. But I will say that I learned that losing yourself in order to find yourself is the only way to come face to face with the only version of yourself worth knowing at all. I am so thankful to the precious girls who taught me that in such miraculous ways. To my sweet sisters, my precious girls, I love you. Thank you for your voices, your words, your beauty and gentleness. To all of you, I pray the desires of your hearts will be yours indeed and in haste, but no sooner than your Father would give them to you. Please remember your incredible worth, your innocence, your wondrous potential. Oh, the miracles you are capable of! I can't wait! I want to hear that you have all excelled in your chosen fields, married the loves of your lives, and created those eternal families. To every wish worth the endeavor, let us all press on in what we know is true. I love you.

There are a lot-o-fish in the sea

We are smack dab in the middle of our school-wide ocean unit. Each grade level concentrates on a different marine habitat. Kinder-Rocky Seashore, First Grade-Tide Pools, Second Grade- Sandy Beach, Third Grade-Wetlands, Fourth Grade-Kelp Forest, Fifth Grade-Deep Ocean. Traditionally the school becomes awash in butcher paper depicting these amazing environments. Davis Elementary is absolutely famous for it. When I first visited Davis as a college student the campus was decked out in all its oceanic array and I was floored! Students made the most amazing art work, poetry, science projects, dioramas. It was fantastic. This year things are very different. Because the fire marshal inspected our school and discovered we needed to remove 80% of our paper from the walls the whole ocean unit was foiled. We are doing many of the same projects but we can't display them. We can only put out one or two at a time. It's so sad. Still, the kids have been working very hard researching their ocean animals, writing reports, couplets, cinquains, haiku, acrostics, alliterations, riddles, and bio poems. We've been painting sunsets, making collages on the computer, drawing diagrams, and creating dioramas. It's been fun.
It's only just occurred to me very lately, there really is a whole world out there. I know that sounds ridiculously oversimple, but what I mean is, I have been swimming around in my reality for so long, just thinking the way I've always thought, feeling the way I've typically felt and meanwhile there are sea slugs out there turning from male to female every day of the week! Yeah! Can you believe that? Sea snails and sea slugs are all born male. As they mature they evolve into females! What? What kind of crazy, wonderful, unexpected, weird world are we living in here? That's just one example out of millions lately. How can I be thinking about the same old stuff, i.e. why me??? jobs, love, school, blah, blah, blah, etc. etc., when there are sea stars turning their stomachs out of their mouths and devouring clams right this very moment? There are dolphins communicating volumes in chirps and whistles, crabs regenerating legs, sea horse daddies giving birth, and sea turtles laying their eggs on the very same beach fronts they hatched from. What a world! What a wonderful, unexpected, crazy, gorgeous, fantastic world we've got! And I don't even know a millionth of what really goes on. Something tells me things are vastly more amazing and interesting than my experiences up to now have indicated.

Blue in the Bluebonnets

I know I look happy here, but I am more forlorn now than I think I've ever been. Does this heart break know no bounds?

Easter was lovely. I spent the weekend at Ivy's with Melanie and Jeff. I watched conference and loved what I heard and felt. Ivy played Easter Bunny. I watched Where the Wild Things Are.

Everything breathes in heaves and sighs these days. My blood is all needles. My throat is a knot. My eyes are anvils. Where is my spring?