Agency

We're all free agents. We've all got one life to live on earth. I like knowing myself. What I mean is, I like knowing what I'll do in any situation. I am very predictable. I like that. That doesn't mean I'm not spontaneous. Heavens, no!! It just means I can count on knowing what to do. There's never anything overly befuddling. I'm glad life works the way it does. The law of diminishing returns is harsh but so good for us, if we know what to do and what NOT to do. When it comes to decision making, some choices become more fulfilling the more you decide to do them: exercise, service, music, languages, various art forms, reading, being a good friend, or just becoming a better person. "All art gains freedom through discipline." Never mind who said it because I'm not sure just now. Anyhow, on the flipside, there are choices that we may make which, as we delve more and more into them, we derive less and less pleasure from, but they demand that we partake ever increasing amounts while simultaneously losing our freedom to stop the behavior. It's so sad to think about. As any addict will tell you, you can never ever get enough of what you can't stand. You love it. You hate it. You need it. You can't stand it. You want more. That is the conundrum. That is the problem with vice. It robs you of your agency. It struck me today: there are about a zillion ways to do this life the wrong way. The diversity is amazing, I'm sure. It's just, I'm not interested in any of those paths. The only path I'm interested in is the right one, and that one is straight and narrow, and there's only one! It doesn't meander. Novelty is just not as promising as being safe and sound.
I once had a conversation with a young man who described himself as being "a lot of fun" but not what one could call "safe". What good is fun if it makes you lose your luster? No. No, thank you. I'll take luster over fun. I like diamonds more than chocolate, even if it's much much easier to get chocolate and you can get it cheap from just about anywhere. Diamonds don't come as often and they're very expensive. That's okay.
"All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on." ~Havelock Ellis
I need to let some things go and to other things I must hold tightly.