Energy

I have a lot of nervous energy lately. I've got something bubbling in my blood and I'm not sure where it wants to go. For a while I was thinking it wanted me to go to grad school. That didn't work out this time. I didn't get into the program I applied to. I won't feel too defeated, considering two of my letters of rec came after the deadline and I applied late, as it was, with "special permission". Maybe next year. It occurred to me though, I am pretty lucky. I love my job! I love being with those kids every day! I love teaching them. I love the things they say. I love their faces and voices and drawings and all their wonderful ideas. No two days alike. It's lots of work, true. It's often grueling, insane, frustrating, impossible, and yet it is always and ever magical. There's something of elation in watching little kids learn something new, realizing what they can do, noticing they are getting better at things. It's beautiful! But how long can I realistically do it? And what am I to do next? Where am I to go? I looked into a few different options. Things didn't pan out or didn't feel right. Could it be that I just need to see my current life with new eyes? All I know is, when I got off the plane coming back from Salt Lake, my heart flooded with love for Austin, Texas. It was interesting. I keep wanting to start a revolution and maybe all I ought to do is live my life, as little as it seems, with grace and integrity. When I teach my kids every year about the term integrity I tell them integrity is doing the right thing no matter who is looking. Instead of conquering the world, maybe I'll just do my little life with integrity....no matter who's looking.